The Philadelphia Phillies
I am a die hard Phillies fan. Call me a dork, but during the spring and summertime my mood is gauged on how the Phillies are playing. Right now, I can be best described as a raving lunatic because the Fightins' out and out BLOW.
Let's start with their simpleton manager, Charlie Manual. Granted, the man is one hell of a hitting coach and mentor to young players. However, the bastard couldn't strategize his way out of a paper bag. He is so inept that regular joe-bag-o-donuts fans really do believe that they could come down out of the stands and give their team a better chance to win . . . . and they are probably right.
Last season, he killed us with his late inning pitching decisions; going to Ryan Madsen with runners in scoring position (when he put up his best numbers starting innings), going with Rheal Cormier at the start of innings (when his best numbers were accumulated with runners already on), and sticking with Arthur "Don't have an out pitch" Rhodes as the setup man until his arm fell off (despite the fact that he protected leads about as well as Al Gore holds his weight). It seemed as though every time he was faced with a crucial game changing or saving decision, Uncle Chollie f-ed it up.
I am a die hard Phillies fan. Call me a dork, but during the spring and summertime my mood is gauged on how the Phillies are playing. Right now, I can be best described as a raving lunatic because the Fightins' out and out BLOW.
Let's start with their simpleton manager, Charlie Manual. Granted, the man is one hell of a hitting coach and mentor to young players. However, the bastard couldn't strategize his way out of a paper bag. He is so inept that regular joe-bag-o-donuts fans really do believe that they could come down out of the stands and give their team a better chance to win . . . . and they are probably right.
Last season, he killed us with his late inning pitching decisions; going to Ryan Madsen with runners in scoring position (when he put up his best numbers starting innings), going with Rheal Cormier at the start of innings (when his best numbers were accumulated with runners already on), and sticking with Arthur "Don't have an out pitch" Rhodes as the setup man until his arm fell off (despite the fact that he protected leads about as well as Al Gore holds his weight). It seemed as though every time he was faced with a crucial game changing or saving decision, Uncle Chollie f-ed it up.
In the offseason, Phillies management decided to surround Chollie with great in-game managers like Davey Lopes as his assistant coaches. So, how has he done so far this year? On opening day, he went with "Run machine" Madsen in the extra frame, who gave up his obligatory two runs in a tie ball game. Then in game 2, which also went to extras, he went back to "Run Machine", who gave up the go ahead home run (on an 0-2 count nonetheless).
He couldn't be this bad EVERY game could he? umm . . . yes, he can. In the first game of the Mets series yesterday, with the Phils nursing a two run lead in the seventh, good ole Charlie decided to pull Cole Hamels (who just so happened to have only surrendered 2 earned runs in his first 13 innings of work and had just retired the side in order in the 6th) in favor of Matt Smith in the 7th (who gave up one run),Geoff Geary, and Jon Lieber (who hadn't pitched in relief in over 9 years) in the 8th. This is how the 8th went:
1. Single
2. Single
3. botched sacrifice bunt (1 out)
4. Walk on 4 pitches to 108 year old pinch hitter, Julio Franco
5. ground ball (error on JRoll--1 run scored, tie game)
6. wild pitch (another run scored, Phils down by 1)
7. walk
Pitching change: Jon Lieber
8. sac fly (2 out, Phils down 2)
9. walk
10. 2-run double (Phils down 4)
11. 2-run single (Phils down 6)
12. ground out (side retired)
Great tactician, that Charlie Manual is.
From there, it only gets worse. The bullpen is the WORST in baseball right now. The Fightins' do not have one single arm in the pen that they can confidently hand the ball to with a late game lead. Tom Gordon has one blown save to his credit already. The aforementioned Madsen has given up 3 runs in two extra innings outings. Geoff Geary gave up 4 last night. Antonio Alfonseca got ripped multiple times in the Marlins series. Matt Smith gave up a run last night. Jon Lieber got racked in his debut appearance. Segovia allowed 4 runs in two innings two nights ago. Rosario was just promoted yesterday. And, Condrey is long relief. The only person to actually pitch well out of the Phillies bullpen was newcomer Carlos Bicenius, who stuck out 4 hitters in 2 shutout innings in relief, but Chollie decided to option him to AAA yesterday for Lieber.
The Phillies much talked about offense has laid a big, fat turd at home plate so far this season. They lead the league in runners left in scoring position (68) and are collectively hitting below the Mendoza line with runners on the bags. The team leader in home runs is Jimmy Rollins . . . . yes, I said that correctly, Jimmy Freakin Rollins is their power guy. Until their respective mid game round trippers yesterday, Chase Utley was in a 2 for 14 road funk and reigning NL MVP Ryan Howard was 1 for 12 with RISP. Pat Burrell has a nice average (over .300), but turns into a 5th inning Little League sub with anyone on base. Aaron Rowand looks like Harry Potter as he waves his magic wand at pitches that go right by. Wes Helms looks like the guy the Braves thought he was when they let him go. And, Rob Barajas looks like a younger version of Sal Fasano.
All in all, this Phillies team that has more talent on their roster than everyone in the junior circuit except for the Mets, has a 1-6 record out of the gate and looks like they could get swept by the Sagenaw Fightin Colberts.
Bottom line is that the Phillies had better get their asses in gear, or my wife and kids are going to have one miserable summer.
He couldn't be this bad EVERY game could he? umm . . . yes, he can. In the first game of the Mets series yesterday, with the Phils nursing a two run lead in the seventh, good ole Charlie decided to pull Cole Hamels (who just so happened to have only surrendered 2 earned runs in his first 13 innings of work and had just retired the side in order in the 6th) in favor of Matt Smith in the 7th (who gave up one run),Geoff Geary, and Jon Lieber (who hadn't pitched in relief in over 9 years) in the 8th. This is how the 8th went:
1. Single
2. Single
3. botched sacrifice bunt (1 out)
4. Walk on 4 pitches to 108 year old pinch hitter, Julio Franco
5. ground ball (error on JRoll--1 run scored, tie game)
6. wild pitch (another run scored, Phils down by 1)
7. walk
Pitching change: Jon Lieber
8. sac fly (2 out, Phils down 2)
9. walk
10. 2-run double (Phils down 4)
11. 2-run single (Phils down 6)
12. ground out (side retired)
Great tactician, that Charlie Manual is.
From there, it only gets worse. The bullpen is the WORST in baseball right now. The Fightins' do not have one single arm in the pen that they can confidently hand the ball to with a late game lead. Tom Gordon has one blown save to his credit already. The aforementioned Madsen has given up 3 runs in two extra innings outings. Geoff Geary gave up 4 last night. Antonio Alfonseca got ripped multiple times in the Marlins series. Matt Smith gave up a run last night. Jon Lieber got racked in his debut appearance. Segovia allowed 4 runs in two innings two nights ago. Rosario was just promoted yesterday. And, Condrey is long relief. The only person to actually pitch well out of the Phillies bullpen was newcomer Carlos Bicenius, who stuck out 4 hitters in 2 shutout innings in relief, but Chollie decided to option him to AAA yesterday for Lieber.
The Phillies much talked about offense has laid a big, fat turd at home plate so far this season. They lead the league in runners left in scoring position (68) and are collectively hitting below the Mendoza line with runners on the bags. The team leader in home runs is Jimmy Rollins . . . . yes, I said that correctly, Jimmy Freakin Rollins is their power guy. Until their respective mid game round trippers yesterday, Chase Utley was in a 2 for 14 road funk and reigning NL MVP Ryan Howard was 1 for 12 with RISP. Pat Burrell has a nice average (over .300), but turns into a 5th inning Little League sub with anyone on base. Aaron Rowand looks like Harry Potter as he waves his magic wand at pitches that go right by. Wes Helms looks like the guy the Braves thought he was when they let him go. And, Rob Barajas looks like a younger version of Sal Fasano.
All in all, this Phillies team that has more talent on their roster than everyone in the junior circuit except for the Mets, has a 1-6 record out of the gate and looks like they could get swept by the Sagenaw Fightin Colberts.
Bottom line is that the Phillies had better get their asses in gear, or my wife and kids are going to have one miserable summer.
